My Dad Died

Ok, so my dad died. I have so many emotions that I really do not even know where to begin. Instead of this feeling like a spiritual moment it feels more like an emotional moment. I'm just so angry that I can't get to the spiritual work and analysis. I don't find comfort in church, in meditation, in anything. I'm just hurt. Running helps. Crying helps. Talking out loud to him helps, but as i've learned the hard way, one should remember that there are workers in the house before you start screaming at your dad for something when he isn't really there :) Yes, evidently we can fight even now. ha ha. i'm sure my dad thinks its funny that i'm still fighting him even now, but having someone die on you feels like abandonment. i miss him and i'm upset that he died. what can i say? Its one of my lower level reptile brain moments. i just want my dad. that is all i want. forget the rest.

Finding the balance between unselfish love and self care

"Clean, unselfish love does not live on what it gets but on what it gives. It increases by pouring itself out for others, grows by self-sacrifice and becomes mighty by throwing itself away."

-Thomas Merton

However, I do feel that this sort of a quote needs to be balanced with a "You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it!" for those of us who tend to self sacrifice in an unhealthy way under the misunderstanding that we are helping.

Somewhere in between these things is the concept of clean love but that type of love must also have equal parts of self love and self care.

This is a tough balance to find. I think it is different for each person and one has to trust one's own judgement and limits.