Ok, so my dad died. I have so many emotions that I really do not even know where to begin. Instead of this feeling like a spiritual moment it feels more like an emotional moment. I'm just so angry that I can't get to the spiritual work and analysis. I don't find comfort in church, in meditation, in anything. I'm just hurt. Running helps. Crying helps. Talking out loud to him helps, but as i've learned the hard way, one should remember that there are workers in the house before you start screaming at your dad for something when he isn't really there :) Yes, evidently we can fight even now. ha ha. i'm sure my dad thinks its funny that i'm still fighting him even now, but having someone die on you feels like abandonment. i miss him and i'm upset that he died. what can i say? Its one of my lower level reptile brain moments. i just want my dad. that is all i want. forget the rest.
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